Built to Hate You Read online

  “Hi, honey,” she says. “Come on in. I think the guys are finishing up for the day soon. And then we can head out to dinner.”

  “Sounds good,” I say, stepping into the house. The front part of the house is untouched; all the renovation that’s going on is currently in other parts of the house. “Do you and Dad have any cravings for dinner?”

  My mom nods. “Your father and I were just talking about—”

  But then the door opens behind us. When I hear Axel’s voice, I flinch.

  “Mrs. Clark?” he says. “I’m sorry to interrupt. The boys and I are about to head out. I just wanted to run something by you quickly before we leave.”

  “Of course,” says my mom. I stand aside quietly as Axel shows my mom a paper on the clipboard he’s holding and talks about some pricing adjustment or something. She nods and says it’s fine. Then she smiles up at me. “Aren’t you going to say hi, Mia?”

  I clear my throat. “Axel and I actually ran into each other outside.”

  “Ah,” says my mom. “Well, it’s a funny coincidence, isn’t it? You two knowing each other from high school?”

  “Yeah, it’s crazy,” I say, forcing a smile.

  “Well, I don’t know if you two want to catch up or anything, but—”

  “I actually need to get going,” says Axel. “It was good to see you, though, Mia.”

  “You, too,” I say.

  After Axel leaves, my mom laughs and shakes her head.

  “Maybe it’s just me,” she says. “But the tension between you two—my gosh. Tell me the truth, Mia. Did you have a crush on him in high school?”

  “No, Mom.” I draw in a breath. “So, dinner?”

  “Oh, fine,” says my mom. “I’ll go get your father from his study and we’ll go.”

  To my relief, my mom doesn’t bring up Axel again during dinner. We just have a nice meal, my parents and I, and afterward, I go back to the house with them to enjoy some coffee and slices of my mom’s homemade banana bread.

  After a while, my dad gets up, announcing that he’s beat, and gives me a kiss on the cheek before going up to bed. I stay for just a tad longer, talking to my mom, and then I head on home. I spend the rest of the evening getting a head start on some copywriting that I need to get done for a client by the end of the week. I end up crawling into bed just after one in the morning, and set my alarm for nine o’clock.

  It’s not my alarm that wakes me up the next morning, though. It’s the sound of ringing. Blearily, I reach for my phone and am confused when I see Axel’s name on the screen.

  What the hell is he calling me for at eight thirty in the morning?

  “Hello?” I say, my voice cracking.

  “Mia,” Axel says, his voice serious. “Your dad just had a stroke.”

  Chapter Four

  Axel

  For what feels like the hundredth time, I press my thumb over a scratch in the arm of the emergency waiting room chair I’m sitting in. I almost expect the mark to be gone when I lift up my thumb again. But of course it’s still there. It’s been just over an hour since I drove Mr. and Mrs. Clark to the hospital, and fifty minutes since I called Mia to tell her about her dad.

  I know I don’t actually need to stay here any longer, but I can’t leave.

  It felt like an ordinary morning when I arrived to the Clarks’ house to oversee the work being done. Mrs. Clark answered the door and offered me coffee, like she’s done every morning since we started working on the house, and like always, I thanked her but told her that I’d already had some at home. We chatted very briefly about how gorgeous of a day it looked like it might be. And then I continued to walk through the house, heading back to the room we’ve been working on.

  I ran into Mr. Clark along the way. We exchanged hellos. But I noticed that he squinted a little as he looked at me. I asked him if everything was okay. He nodded, and smiled, but then when he started talking about everything he had to get done that day, I noticed that his speech was a bit slurred. I asked him another question, to make sure I’d heard right, and then I immediately got Mrs. Clark and told her that I was pretty sure her husband was having a stroke.

  I hear a familiar voice and look up. Mia’s finally here. She’s standing up at the reception desk, gripping her bag in one hand and nodding as she talks to the receptionist.

  “Mia,” I say, going over to her. She whips her head toward me and looks at me with panic in her eyes.

  “What happened?” she says. “How bad is it?”

  “I don’t know yet. I haven’t heard anything from your mom yet. She’s back there with him.” I gesture toward the chairs. “Come on. Sit with me. I’m sure we’ll hear something soon.”

  It’s obvious in Mia’s face that she doesn’t want to. But she does. We sit, and I tell her about what happened that morning. She nods, taking it all in.

  “Thank you. For picking up on the clues, I mean. And for driving them here.”

  “Your mom would have realized there was something wrong, too,” I say. “I was just the one who noticed first.”

  “Well…still.”

  “Can I get you something warm to drink? There’s a coffee machine down the hall.”

  Mia shakes her head. “No. I’m fine. I just want to know how my dad’s doing.” She glances at me again. “You don’t need to stay.”

  “Would you like me to stay, though? Because I can.”

  She doesn’t have to think it over. Evenly, almost kindly, she says, “No.”

  * * *

  I go back to the Clarks’ house from the hospital. When I walk in, the noise of my crew working echoes throughout the house. But it also feels weirdly empty without Mr. and Mrs. Clark here. I go upstairs and call out to all the guys that I need their attention for a minute, then I tell them about Mr. Clark.

  “Shit,” says one of my workers. “Do you think he’ll be okay?”

  “I have no idea,” I say. “But let’s all send good vibes their way, okay? I’ll keep you guys updated. Now let’s get back to work.”

  So far, we’ve stayed on schedule for this renovation. And by the end of that day, we’ve made another pretty good chunk of progress. As the crew heads out for the evening, I thank each one of them and watch as they drive off one by one. Eventually, it’s just me in the house.

  I check my cell phone for the hundredth time that day. There’s still no update from Mia. I don’t want to bug her, but I care about how her dad’s doing. I send her a quick text: Hey. How’s your dad?

  She writes back a few minutes later: He’s hanging in there. Doctors are hopeful but emphasizing that recovery could be hard. My mom and I are staying here tonight. Not sure how long our stay will be.

  Okay, I write back. Thanks for the update.

  She doesn’t text me anything else after that. And although I wish I could text her again, I don’t know what to say.

  I do know something I could do, though. Sliding my cell phone into my pocket, I walk across the room and grab some tools.

  And then I pick up where the crew left off.

  * * *

  For the next four days, I spend nearly every waking moment working on the house. I’m there before the crew arrives, and I’m there after they leave. Mia and her mom spend so much time at the hospital that they have no idea that I’m spending so much time working on the house.

  The crew, obviously, notices all the work I’m putting in. But none of them say anything to me about it. I guess they’re used to me putting my all into my business.

  It’s the evening of the fifth day when Mia and her mother come home and find me there alone. I’m upstairs, finishing up the installation of a shelf, when I hear footsteps and realize that I’m no longer alone.

  “Axel?”

  I look over my shoulder and see Mia.

  “What are you still doing here?” she asks. But before I can answer, she looks around the room in astonishment. “I can’t believe this room is almost done. Did you do all of this?”

  “The crew and I did it,” I say.

  She still looks confused. “Why are you doing this? Why are you here when everyone else has left?”

  Looking at Mia standing there, I feel a tug in my chest. And I realize that even though I’ve been trying to shove the feeling away, I’ve wanted her since the moment she stormed into my office.

  “I…just felt compelled to,” I say. “I’ve been putting in some extra hours since your dad got sick. I want the renovation to be as done as possible when your dad comes back from the hospital.”

  “Oh.” Mia nods slowly. “I see.”

  “How’s he doing?”

  “Better. Not great, but better.”

  “Do you know when he’s being discharged?”

  “Soon, I think.”

  “I’m glad to hear it.”

  There’s a few seconds of silence. Mia looks like she’s about to leave. So I take a step toward her.

  “Mia,” I say. “Look, I know you’re going through a lot with your dad right now. But when things settle down…can I take you out sometime?”

  She stares at me. “You’re asking me out on a date?”

  I nod. “I am.”

  “Sorry, I…” She shakes her head. “I can’t deal with this right now.” She studies me again, and there’s something different, indiscernible, in her eyes. “I have to go. I have to help my mom with—never mind. I just have to go.”

  And with that, she walks out of the room.

  Chapter Five

  Mia

  I can’t believe Axel has been putting extra hours in.

  Mostly, though, I can’t believe he asked me out.

  I mean, I have to say no, right? He’s the guy who ruined my life when I was fifteen. He’s the guy who belittled me in front of the rest of
the school. He’s the last guy on this planet I should ever go on a date with.

  And yet.

  I mull over his question for a whole week after he asks me. With my dad’s health scare, I feel like I’m in too weird of a place to give Axel an answer. I’m too focused on helping my mom get my dad settled in at home.

  “Are you sure you don’t want me to stay longer?” I ask my mom on the evening of the day we bring my dad back home. This time, Axel isn’t working late in the house. It’s peacefully quiet.

  “I’m sure, honey,” my mom says. “You’ve done plenty. Now go on home. I’m sure you miss sleeping in your apartment.”

  I hesitate, though. “Actually, Mom, before I go…can I talk to you about something?”

  Sitting down with her on the couch, I finally open up with her about what happened during high school. I don’t go into great detail, but I make it clear that Axel bullied me, and that I spent those years hiding my pain.

  “Oh, Mia,” my mom says. “I’m so sorry you had to go through that. We would have done everything we could have to support you, you know. But I also understand why it was too hard for you to tell us.”

  “Thanks, Mom.”

  “It’s hard to believe that Axel was ever like that.”

  “He’s changed. Or at least he says he has. After I found out that you and Dad hired him, I went to his office and I confronted him about the past. Everything I’ve seen about him so far makes me think that he’s a decent guy now. But I still have my guard up around him.”

  “Of course you do. I think anyone in your position would. I’m sorry your dad and I unknowingly put you into this situation. But they’re almost done with the renovation. And soon you won’t have to see him again.”

  I chew on the inside of my lip. “Well, that’s the thing, Mom. Last week, Axel asked me out.”

  “He did?” She looks surprised.

  “Yeah. I was shocked, too.” I sigh. “And I don’t know what to do.”

  “Do you want to go out with him?”

  “I mean…if I had just met him, then yes, I’d want to. He seems like a great guy now. He’s kind, hardworking, selfless…”

  “And handsome.”

  “Mom.”

  She smiles. “I’m sorry. Go on.”

  “Fine. He’s handsome. But even with all of those attractive qualities…I just don’t know if I can get over the old Axel.”

  She nods. “You might be right. But you might be wrong, too. I can’t tell you what to do, Mia. But if you listen to your heart, I think you’ll figure out the right thing for you.”

  * * *

  I tell Axel yes.

  * * *

  The following night, even though I insist that we can meet halfway, he makes the hour-long trip to pick me up. He takes me to this little restaurant down by the pier, and we sit out on the patio beneath the string lights and the cloud-streaked night sky. It’s a romantic setting if ever there was one. I’m still feeling cautious, though.

  And Axel must be able to tell, because midway through our appetizers, he smiles at me gently and says, “How’s it going over there?”

  I feign obliviousness. “The crab cakes are great. How’s your soup?”

  “Delicious,” he says. “But that’s not what I was asking.”

  I take a sip of my wine. I look over at him and force myself to be honest. Yes, he’s attractive. He’s exceedingly attractive. In all kinds of ways. And it doesn’t make me a horrible person for wanting someone who wronged me—not when that person is trying to atone for it. Not when that person has truly changed.

  “I’m good,” I say, relaxing my shoulders. “I’m happy we’re here.”

  “Me too,” says Axel. “Hey, tell me more about the freelance work you do. You said you’re a copyrighter?”

  I nod. I tell him about how I got into it, the type of clients I have, and what my days are typically like. He seems genuinely interested in everything I’m telling him. And when I ask him about his construction business, his eyes light up with excitement as he talks about it. I love how passionate he is.

  Over the next two hours, we continue to eat delicious food and talk. We talk about our favorite music, our favorite books, the places we’d love to travel to, our favorite kinds of dogs. And when the subject of family comes up, he tells me about his brother, who I had no idea about. As soon as he talks about his brother’s death, something clicks and I understand that it contributed to Axel becoming the person he was in high school. And not that it makes it all okay, but it makes more sense now.

  After dinner, we walk along the pier, looking out at the boats in the harbor and the soft glow of reflected lights shimmering on the water. There’s a little park at one end of the marina, and we linger there.

  “God, look how beautiful the moon is,” Axel says.

  I look up. It’s more vibrantly bright than I’ve seen in ages. “Wow. It is.”

  I can feel Axel’s gaze move over to me, and I meet his eyes. My heartbeat catches. He’s definitely going to kiss me. And part of me really wants him to. Part of me is absolutely burning for him. But the other part…

  “Wait, Axel,” I say softly.

  He stops. He nods. “It’s okay. I won’t.”

  “I’m still getting used to…well, the way I feel about you now.”

  His lips break into a grin. “And how do you feel about me?”

  “I like you.” I bite my lip. “I want you.”

  “I want you, too, Mia.”

  “I just need a little more time.”

  “I get it,” he says. “And I’m willing to wait. It might feel a little torturous. But I’m willing to endure it. Because you’re more than worth it. You’re worth the world.”

  I can’t help it—I give him a playful smile. “What if I don’t let you kiss me for weeks?”

  “Then I’ll wait weeks.”

  “Months?”

  “Then I’ll wait months.”

  “Years?”

  He gives me a deep look. A look that almost makes me kiss him right then. “If you can hold out for years, then I can, too.”

  Chapter Six

  Axel

  It doesn’t take years, though, of course. It doesn’t even take weeks. At the end of our third date, Mia slips her hand into mine and whispers, “Axel? I’m ready for that kiss.”

  And although I expect nothing more than to kiss her that night…once we kiss, we can’t stop. We stand on the stoop of her apartment building kissing for a solid five minutes, and then suddenly she’s rushing to unlock the front door of the building, and she’s leading me inside, pulling me into the elevator. We keep kissing as we ride up the floors, our tongues dancing against each other, her mouth so honey sweet. As soon as the door opens, I sweep Mia up into my arms, carry her out of the elevator, and say, “Tell me where to go.”

  She laughs and points. “That way. I’m in 4C.”

  “Are you going to be mortified if any of your neighbors see you like this?”

  “Probably. But I don’t care.”

  We don’t see any of her neighbors, though. Maybe it’s because I’m in such a rush to get into her apartment. When we get inside, though—after I lay her down on her bed—I slow things down. Way down. I strip off her clothes with care. I take mine off slowly, too. I only tear my eyes from Mia to roll on a condom, and then I’m right back to looking at her. Fuck, she’s beautiful.

  “What?” she says, smiling.

  “Everything,” I say. And I crawl onto the bed and lower myself over her, her legs opening to welcome me. When I push into her, she gasps.

  “You okay?” I ask.

  “I’m great,” she says. She runs her hands up my arms and squeezes my biceps. “I’m fantastic, Axel.”

  I sink into her deeper, and she pushes her hips against me. We quickly find a rhythm together. Every thrust feels incredible. Every inch of her body glows and vibrates against me. And the way she moans out my name, the way she tells me how good it feels, it’s so hot that I almost can’t stand it. When she comes, she explodes against me. I come right after she does, driving deep into her, losing myself in her sweetness.